Saturday, September 15, 2018

The Near Journal - Book Review

This review is DEFINITELY overdue…. Like a month overdue. I really and truly apologize to the author Jacob Vandenbark, but I have been trying to get my life together! I started a new job and it has been ABSOLUTELY HECTIC. I haven’t had much time for reading, let alone blogging!

But anyway, before I forget, I have to tell you all that I received an advanced, complimentary copy of “The Near Journal” for review purposes. The following review is my opinion and not coerced or compensated in any way.

So, about the author…
Jacob Vandenbark:
Jacob started this journal because he needed it himself. He'd always struggled to have a consistent daily quiet time, and when he used prewritten/themed devotional books he always felt that all he was doing was reading and answering some questions - and was still neglecting prayer, memorization, and growth. So he set out to build himself something that would help him have an excellent daily quiet time - without telling him what to read, study, or learn.
Draw Near Co. and the Near Journal were inspired by James 4:8 - "Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you."
God is there, always waiting to help us - but sometimes we have to take the first step. That is what Jacob always had the most trouble with, taking that step and putting himself in a position to draw near to God. The Near Journal was developed to make it easier for people to draw near to God so he will draw near to them.
Jacob is passionate about getting this tool into the hands of people who need it. For every 4 Near Journals that sell, he donates 1 to a youth group for free. So, when he sells 20 journals he ships a box of 5 out to a youth group; 100% free of charge.
You can add your youth group to the list to receive free Near Journals at

So, on to my review…
I LOVE journals! Journals help me focus my reading, THINKING, LEARNING, PRAYING, MEDITATING, etc. I have always been a fan of journals. And this one is no exception! First of all, I love the founding scripture, “James 4:8 - "Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you." The only way to draw closer to the Father is to know more about HIM! What better way to know more about Him than to focus and spend more time with Him. And that is what this journal helps you to do.
PictureThe journal’s main sections are
The journal provides the reader with foundational scriptures to focus on. The journal has PLENTY of pages for you to write your thoughts, feelings, and anything else. I LOVED the fact that the journal contained Thought and Reflection prompts and sections. This section of the book gives the reader sections to write down your thoughts and feelings, sections to write down prayers for your self and for others and it also gives you a section to write down what you are thankful and grateful for. So the book does a great job of helping the reader to focus and spend quality time thinking about and analyzing areas of their life. I also ABSOLUTELY LOVE the fact that he is giving journals to youth groups! I have seen youth groups, youth pastors, youth organizations preach AT youth, and the youth ignore them. I think this is a way for the youth to internalize and individualize what they read and feel about God's word. It will give them a chance to evaluate the word for themselves and see how HIS WORD is working in their lives! KUDOS!!!

There were two major things that I did NOT like about the journal.
#1 – One of the major focus’ of the journal was scripture memorization. I understand the concept of repeating something enough, committing it to memory so you know it and can recite it. However, I have learned over the years that just because someone can memorize, recite backward and forwards, and know EVERY word of scripture DOES NOT necessarily mean that they live or even believe the scripture. Anyone can memorize some words. That doesn’t mean that you really understand it or even care about it. But I do understand what the author is going for with committing the word to memory.

#2 – I ABSOLUTELY HATE the fact that my advanced complimentary copy was a digital copy! A true journal is something that you carry with you, you flip open and jot things down in as the Spirit reveals things to you. As you think of questions you jot them down for further exploration later. It just is NOT the same on a digital copy on a computer, tablet, or phone.

 All in all, I would give this journal a solid 8 out of 10! I thoroughly enjoyed using this journal, and with my life in its current state of flux, the journal did and still is helping me focus on God's love and favor. THANK YOU JACOB VANDENBARK!! I needed this right now!

To learn more about The Near Journal and Draw Near Co., visit the website or follow on FacebookTwitter or Instagram.


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Friday, June 15, 2018

Sacred Rest - Book Review

*In accordance with FTC Regulations, I am disclosing that I received a complimentary advance copy of the book Sacred Rest by Saundra Dalton-Smith, MD in return for my honest and unbiased review.*

I am not generally a huge fan of non-fiction “self-help” or “motivational” type books. A lot of those type of books tell you what the author did in their lives and how it worked for them. Since everyone is different, I think it is illogical to expect what worked for you to work for everyone. So, as a rule, I tend to ignore those types of books.  Sacred Rest is not too much different in that aspect. I think the saving grace for Sacred Rest was the Personal Rest Deficit Assessment Tool included in the book. I love personality, self-assessments, and quizzes so that was interesting to me.

Author, speaker, and board-certified internal medicine physician, Saundra Dalton-Smith, MD, has written a book which describes and examines what she determines are the seven types of rest. Sacred Rest claims that those seven types of rest are physical, mental, emotional, social, sensory, creative, and spiritual rest. I believe the target audience for this book may be younger to mid-aged individuals. Those who do not have a firm grasp of what makes them the people they are. Or People who are struggling with some form of burnout (be it from work, toxic-relationships, home life, etc.). Or people who are very close to burnout. 
A lot of the things in this book, I at some point have experienced or been through something similar. The road to self-discovery can be a very daunting but enlightening journey. I believe this book may help many who are new to this journey or have gotten stuck and need help in focusing on the peace and joy of “Resting”.

The book is broken down into three parts. Part 1 is “Why Rest?” Where the author endeavors to explain what the different aspects of rest are and how burnout is the direct outcome of not having rest. Part 2 is “The Gifts of Rest” which focuses on why you need rest. Part 3 of the book is “The Promises of Rest” which is basically what the author has spent the first 200 pages building up to. This is the part of the book that tells you how to obtain the rest you need in order to succeed. This portion of the book includes a 30-day Rest Challenge as well as a Rest Deficit Assessment Tool.

I found the first part of the book to be mostly boring and a lot of preamble. I think the first part of the book endeavored to establish similarities with the reader. Trying to establish a common ground and basis for the book. A large majority of the stories and experiences in this book are a montage of experiences from the friends, clients, and co-workers of the doctor.

I found the book to be wordy and it rambled on like a professor giving a speech. I kept saying to myself, PLEASE, just get to the point! I had to refrain from just skipping large parts and skimming to find something that interested me. There were parts of the book I just simply did not agree with. Such as on Page 92, where the author endeavors to outline some warnings that might indicate you suffer from sensory rest deficit. The author writes,
“Here are some signs you might be suffering from a sensory rest deficit:• You have a sensitivity or an adverse reaction to loud sounds.• You experience blurry vision and/or eye pressure, fatigue, or strain.• You believe natural foods don’t have any flavor and crave processed foods.• You dislike being hugged or touched by others.• You are desensitized to aromas others seem to smell easily.• You are unable to enjoy periodic sensory-rich experiences like concerts or fireworks."

I just did not agree with most of this. I believe they are blanket statements which generalize and assumes that everyone is the same. For example, Introverts don’t like to be hugged or touched and it has nothing to do with sensory rest deficit. Eye pressure, fatigue or strain could be an actual medical issue and have nothing to do with sensory rest deficit. I think as a medical doctor downplaying those symptoms was reckless and dangerous.

There were other parts of the book that I just could not connect with because it did not mirror current life experiences of mine.
Maybe if the book had been titled “The Struggles of Juggling Marriage, Career, and Parenthood” then the readers will have a better idea of what to expect in the book.

Sacred Rest is the type of book that struggling mothers or people who have trouble setting personal, professional, and social boundaries could perhaps learn from. I think this book will be an encourager and a life preserver for those who are struggling with getting their life in order. 

On a 5 star scale, I would give this book 2 stars. The book was okay, but just not for me. maybe when I was in my 20's or 30's This would have been useful to me. But I have come through and beyond these issues already. I may recommend the book to someone who I think fits in the demographic that I think the book was targeting.

To learn more about Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith go to her Website, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, or Pinterest page!

You can order your copy of Sacred Rest from Amazon, ChristianBook, Barnes and Noble,

Only Being Me,

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Friday, May 18, 2018

Your Child Is An Adult, Now What?

Image result for number 5
As a mother of five, I have struggled at times to parent them the way I thought it should be done.  Children do not come with instruction manuals, so it is very much trial and error.  You can listen to other people giving you advice, you can do what your mother or grandmother did, you can read “How To” books, watch webinars, listen to parenting podcasts, you can even do what you see on television and in the movies.  Nevertheless, how do you KNOW what is right?  And not just right, but right for YOU and YOUR children. There is no scientific or mathematical formula to follow.  You have to do what you think is best.  Through common sense (I am learning that all sense isn’t common) and prayer, you are virtually hoping for and praying for the best outcome! It is actually like you are rolling the dice and hoping that you don’t crap out. 

While my children were young my parenting and discipline style was pretty much, one size fits all. What went for one child, went for all of them. (Of Course, in hindsight ONE SIZE DOES NOT FIT ALL!) That is until the last child. By the time I had my fifth child, I was tired and was way more lax and casual as a parent. I was still disciplining, but not as strict as with the previous four children. My four older children would even comment on how the things the youngest got away with, they could NEVER have gotten away with. Hell, I was tired by then! Raising five children is no small feat. And doing it as a single mom was even harder. I was so glad when they ALL became adults!

I foolishly thought I was done! Yes! They are grown and I am done with this crap…Not!
Though there may be a shift, parenting NEVER stops.  As long as they live, they will always be your children and you will always be their parent.  Now, as a mother of five grown young adults, I have to consciously shift and change my philosophy and my parenting methods.  At a certain age, what you are doing with your children becomes less parenting and more mentoring. I am no longer training up a child or inspiring and molding a teenager.  I am not instructing an adolescent.  That time has come and gone.  I am now mentoring adults.  As they have changed, I have changed.  As they have grown, I have grown.  It is no longer about mama bear protecting her bear cubs.  It has now become more of tactfully sharing ideas, hints, and tips. I realized that I had to change my way of thinking and my approach. Three of my adult children have children of their own. This is tricky. I had to remember that those are not my children and to back up and let their parents BE parents. I had to remember how mad I got when ANYBODY, even my mother and father, tried to tell me what to do with my children. I had to back up and pray that I instilled in them the right foundation so that they could parent their own children in a nurturing, effective, and productive way.
Before you do anything, change must first happen in your mind.  You must make a conscious decision to approach your child or children as adults.  You can no longer demand or tell them what they can or cannot do.  I think too often as parents we do not grow, we do not shift, we do not change.  As a result, we have young adults who we are enabling, young adults who we are smothering, young adults who we are damaging, and young adults who are yearning to be set free from the tyranny that is our claustrophobic parenting. 

When we, as parents, do not shift or change, WE become the enemy. We become the oppressor. We become the enabler. We are the ones holding that child back. A parent afraid to let go holds them captive.  YES, I said AFRAID.  We as parents are afraid to accept the grown-up version of what we raised and cultivated.  We are afraid that without their need of us, we lack viability or purpose. We spend so much of our time as Johnny, Susan and Mary’s parent that once they grow up, we don’t know what to do with ourselves. We try to hold on, hence holding them captive, until they are forced to rebel and push us away. We must know when and how to let go. We have to be so secure in what we taught them that we can safely back off and let them flourish. Your conversations with them should change. I am still very much needed in their lives but I had to let go in order for them to grab on. Instead of telling them what to do and how to live, I have become more of a sounding board to bounce ideas off of. I let them talk and I listen. I offer small tips and advice when asked and even then I temper what I say and how I say it. I now get phone calls about adult life things. I get calls like My meatloaf was dry, what should I put in it? Or, I have two job offers which one do you think I should take? Or, I am thinking about trading in my car and upgrading, can you help me work out my budget? Or, I’m going to Vegas for the weekend can you watch your grandson…… well, let’s just pump the brakes on that last question!

Our children still need us but in a different capacity.  They no longer need a mother to kiss their boo-boos, fight their battles for them, and champion their causes for them. They need a Friend, an Advisor, a Trainer, a Mentor and a Confidant. They are no longer children; they are adults dealing with real adult issues.  We can no longer treat them as our babies.  They have grown and so should we. This is a new aspect of life. It will not always be easy. There will definitely be times when you want to jump in and correct what you think is wrong but please restrain yourself! I am learning DAILY that it is not about me. I am learning to adapt to my babies being grown-ups. I must admit it is fun and interesting and sometimes frustrating and there is NEVER a dull moment with this bunch but I am living, learning, and loving it!


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Friday, April 6, 2018

The Commonality Of Martin Luther King Jr and Meena Harris

Image result for mlkThe 50th anniversary of Martin Luther King Jr's death was on April 4th. This date also happened to be the birthday of Maya Angelou. Now, of course, Ms. Angelou died in 2014, and April 4, 2018, would have been her 90th birthday. EVERY YEAR on the anniversary of Dr. King's death everyone gets ultra black and starts posting various MLK quotes. A lot of these same people do not think about an MLK quote at any other time of the year but on the anniversary of his death everyone is all of a sudden "WOKE" and a "Conscious Black Person". So along with the plethora of MLK quotes that I saw ALL OVER the internet on Wednesday I also started seeing a lot of women wearing "Phenomenal Woman" T-Shirts. I thought to myself "Okay, these are awesome"! Yes, someone had the idea to commemorate what would be the 90th birthday of Maya Angelou by wearing the Phenomenal Woman T-Shirt AND the sale of each shirt benefits organizations that champion rights for women. And YAAAASSSSSSSSS I AM HERE FOR IT!
I sooooo want a T-Shirt! I saw pictures on the internet of some phenomenal women wearing the Phenomenal Woman t-shirt, such as Issa Rae, Niecy Nash, Traci Ellis Ross, and Viola Davis, to name a few. If anybody wants to GIFT me a t-shirt, I will take that in a 2XL, Please and Thank You!

A woman named Meena Harris who is the creator of the t-shirt is GASP!... a WHITE WOMAN! Meena Harris is also the Commissioner at San Francisco Commission on the Status of Women. So some black people are really so dumb that they think NO WHITE PEOPLE can help with a black cause! 

So disturbing is some of the comments I read on the internet Wednesday and Thursday. These disturbing comments were mostly made by those "WOKE" African-American people who are so black that you can't even see them.
Some people out there think that we, and when I say "we" I mean Black people, should not be celebrating or commemorating Maya Angelou's birthday or CHAMPIONING WOMEN'S RIGHTS on this day, but should only be commemorating Dr. King's death. Various comments were saying things like, "Divide and Conquer" or "how dare someone wear a Maya Angelou shirt on the day of Dr. King's death" or "Why are you wearing a white woman's shirt on Dr. Kings death anniversary".  So let me get this straight.... We as black people can only celebrate ONE THING AT A TIME! We are not smart enough, or savvy enough, or sophisticated enough to post MLK quotes AND champion women's rights AND commemorate Maya Angelou by wearing a t-shirt at the same time.
Martin Luther King Jr stood for the rights and equality of ALL Humans and Meena Harris is championing rights for ALL Women. It should not matter if she is white, black, green, or yellow.
Some black folks need to get their minds together. Some of y'all are TOO WOKE, you definitely need a nap because your brain is suffering from lack of oxygen. I swear those super intelligent, woke, black folks get on my damn nerves!

When bought from THIS website, the Phenomenal Woman t-shirt benefits seven deserving organizations. The funny thing about this entire thing is that the t-shirts came out MONTHS ago. They were initially for the equal rights of women and were being worn back in the spring and summer of 2017. But some phenomenal women thought it was fitting to wear them on what would have been the 90th birthday of the author of the poem "Phenomenal Woman", Maya Angelou!

If you never read the entire Maya Angelou poem "Phenomenal Woman" then bless yourself below...

Phenomenal Woman

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I’m not cute or built to suit a fashion model’s size   
But when I start to tell them,
They think I’m telling lies.
I say,
It’s in the reach of my arms,
The span of my hips,   
The stride of my step,   
The curl of my lips.   
I’m a woman
Phenomenal woman,   
That’s me.

I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,   
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.   
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.   
I say,
It’s the fire in my eyes,   
And the flash of my teeth,   
The swing in my waist,   
And the joy in my feet.   
I’m a woman

Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.

Men themselves have wondered   
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can’t touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them,   
They say they still can’t see.   
I say,
It’s in the arch of my back,   
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I’m a woman
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.

Now you understand
Just why my head’s not bowed.   
I don’t shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.   
When you see me passing,
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It’s in the click of my heels,   
The bend of my hair,   
the palm of my hand,   
The need for my care.   
’Cause I’m a woman
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.

Maya Angelou, “Phenomenal Woman” from And Still I Rise. Copyright © 1978 by Maya Angelou. Used by permission of Random House, an imprint and division of Penguin Random House LLC. All rights reserved.

Peace & Love

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Wednesday, March 7, 2018

The Body Tsunami

Those of you who visit the blog often….. Or visit at all, should know that I recently had a health scare which resulted in a surgery. A hysterectomy to be exact. So I am recovered from the fibroid tumor they removed but I am now and will forever have to live with the after-effects. I had a full hysterectomy and the doctor said when you get a FULL HYSTERECTOMY your body and hormones are thrown into FULL MENOPAUSE. My doctor did warn me that life would change a little after the surgery. And I thought I was prepared and could handle anything. I mean, really I just came through a life-changing ordeal, the after effects can’t be that bad………….
So, by FULL MENOPAUSE, I did not realize that meant full-blown winter and summer inside my body! I mean, seriously, my body is in the midst of some weird climate change thing. I have GLOBAL WARMING inside of me and it is NOT pretty. I literally am freezing one minute and burning the next. I have heard women talk about having hot flashes or personal summers as some call it. But uh, what I am experiencing is more than a hot FLASH. This is a freaking HOT TSUNAMI! I am not exaggerating.
The definition of Tsunami is a long high sea wave caused by an earthquake, submarine landslide, or other disturbance. An arrival or occurrence of something in overwhelming quantities or amounts.

When that heat hits, Baaabaaayyyyyy it feels like a hot tsunami! It starts with my ears. Yes, my ears get super-hot and then the heat rushes my body. It is so hot that clothing on me feel like I am being smothered with a 99-degree heating blanket. When I strip down and stand in front of the fan or window (by the way there is construction going on across from my bedroom window, so I’m guessing the construction workers get an eye full…But anyway!) That air feels like heaven! But then five minutes later I am FREEZING. When I get cold it is like a bone-chilling, deep-set cold. A cold that I feel in my bones and makes my teeth chatter. There are times when I am sitting here and just start shivering. I often walk around the house fully clothed in a blanket and gloves or with a hoody on.
I have not had a decent night’s sleep since this surgery because all night long I either toss the blankets off because I am burning hot or I am gathering the blankets up around and over my head because I am freezing. Uggghhhhh, this is so FRUSTRATING! I can be freezing cold and put on socks, a sweater, and a head wrap to go to bed and an hour later, my blankets and clothes are on the floor and I am lying there in my underwear wondering if this is what hell feels like. I am drinking ice water all night during my hot intervals but of course, then I have to go to the bathroom all night. 

Or I’m turning the heat off and on all night. My body feels schizophrenic. But even worse are the times when my body is HOT and COLD at the same time… What the hell is THAT about?????

Seriously, I don’t want to question God but ….. This is out of control!

Keep It Cool ... Or Not!

*For more information about Menopause go to* 

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Thursday, February 15, 2018

Finding Love in 2018!

I have never been real big on Valentine's day. I figure we tell (or SHOULD tell) the people we love how much they mean to us on a regular basis. On Valentine's Day the chocolate, and flower folks are making money, so whatever.
Now that Valentine’s Day is over, let me tell you this real quick story….
Related imageLOVE IS IN THE AIR! I started 2018 with the thought that I was not going to be single anymore. Yes, that means that I am going to start dating. I’m just torn between loneliness and convenience because I love having my bed and space to myself… I’m working on that. But I want someone to talk to… I know, a conundrum.
So now I have to figure out where the men are. I have waited around and no one is just gonna knock on your door like “Hey I’m here, God sent me”. So, where are they???

  • Yea, I don’t go to clubs or bars, but would you really want a guy you met in a bar … (been there, done that)
  • What about the church you say? Wellllllll, sometimes they the same ones from the club! Just Saying!👀
  • You can’t pick up a man at the gym. I heard that was douchy. Besides Y'all both all smelly & sweaty, not a good look.
  • I was hanging out at the grocery store to find dudes but people thought I was homeless and started throwing change at me.
  • Ladies, DO NOT believe those romantic movies, there are no fine men hanging out in museums or art galleries, and security tends to frown on you hanging out in there all day.
  • And I don’t know what the heck Cardi B is talking about because the only thing you get from the stripper pole is rug burn and a nasty rash…. And I found out that making Bloody moves was not at all what I thought it was… Don’t ask.

So as a final and last resort I did it…. Yep, I joined an online dating community!
It is free to join, and you have pictures just sent to you! EASY-PEEZY! YAAAAASSSSSSS, about to find a man in no time!
So I didn’t want to rush it, so I took my time, uploaded a picture, did some thinking when writing my bio and answering the questions about hobbies, likes, dislikes, etc. Pictures, messages, and flirts starting pouring in (flirts are the equivalent of Facebook pokes I guess. You know a "Hey Wassup").  

I felt like Tiffany Haddish... SHE REAAAADDDYYYYY!
Image result for she ready

So I went to the messages and clicked on the first one and got a pop up that said, "To read this message upgrade your account"! SERIOUSLY!! Yea it was free to join... and that was it!
So I have 56 Messages, 236 views, 11 matches, and 24 flirts, all of which I can do nothing about unless I pay 29.96 plus tax per month! I was like... Nope, No, Uh uh, Nada, Not happening.

Tomorrow I’m going to buy a damn cat.
Image result for no valentines day


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Tuesday, February 13, 2018

Me, Blood, and The Alien Inside

I am super late on posting this, but I did tell someone that I would get the story out there….

This is a long post with some graphic pictures in it HOWEVER stick around and read the ENTIRE THING!

So you may or may not know that I was sick back in September 2017, spent a week in the hospital, and ended up having surgery. So this is that story...

Working is important. We have to work in order to make money in order to survive. Our health is also important and often times we ignore certain signs of things going on in our bodies because we are too busy working.
So a little background/details….
I had a job where I worked 2 hours in the early morning, went home and then came back and worked 5 hours in the afternoon/evening. Having to be at work at 6:30am meant being up at 5am. So I went in at 6:30am and worked until usually 8:30am went home, ate breakfast got back in the bed, woke up and went back to work at 1:30pm and stayed until 6:30pm (sometimes 7pm). This did not include the time I put in having to go to meetings or training, having to shop for supplies, having to go to the corporate office to pick up snacks, having to do paperwork, etc. When I got home in the evenings, I cooked and ate dinner and generally went to bed. Wake up and repeat! On Saturdays, I generally tried to stay in the bed and sleep! And on Sundays, I pretty much tried to mentally prepare for the upcoming week. So as you can see the cycle was basically, EAT, SLEEP, WORK, repeat.
When I started having aches and pains, I attributed it to, stress from a job I hated, or lack of sleep, or age, or just life. I took pain pills and continued on about my business. In the month of September, I started having really bad headaches, which I thought were stress related. I also started having bad pains in the abdominal/stomach/pelvis area. Now, this pain felt familiar and I assumed I knew what it was. Years ago, back in the early 2000’s, I had an episode with my gallbladder. I got with an herbalist, stopped eating beef, changed my diet, took some herbal supplements and eventually passed the small gallstones. Well the pain I was having in September felt similar to that and since I went through this before I already knew how to combat it.

However, the pains increased in frequency and intensity and one morning after my morning shift I went to the ER. At the ER I received an entire litany of tests. The doctor finally came to talk to me and was VERY CONCERNED. He had THAT FACE/THAT LOOK. The look that says there is no coming back from this. He starts out with, did you know you were anemic? I said yes, my previous doctor told me. He said okay, are you taking anything for it? I said well, no, not currently. I had some iron pills prescribed but I finished them all, and the former doctor never put me on more or discussed it again. (I do want to interject here that the former doctor and I had other issues so I ended up getting rid of her.). He says okay…. A few things are going on here. You are not having gallbladder issues. However, there is a mass on your uterus. You are also VERY ANEMIC. Your blood count is at a 5 and it should be at least at or above 9. I’m looking at him like he is crazy and I said okay, but go back to the mass… what is it? He said he couldn’t tell for sure but I needed to make an appointment with my regular doctor ASAP. He could not tell me if the mass was cancerous or benign, that could only be found out by cutting some of the mass and testing it. Do I even need to tell you that I was FREAKING OUT, but trying to stay cool for the family....
Okay, I go in to see my regular doctor, get blood work done, get a referral for an Ob/Gyn, to figure out this mass stuff, and go on home, trying to figure out what my next steps should be. That night (yes about 8 0clock THAT NIGHT) I get a call from my doctor’s office. Now mind you, in order to get this call at night time, the lab people had to think it was so urgent that they called the nurse in my doctor’s office AFTER HOURS who then called me! And the nurse tells me I need to get myself to emergency NOW! My blood work came back and it was now at a 4. Now mind you, I just got done cooking dinner and was ready to grub! So I’m like okay can I just come in tomorrow morning? She says, NO, with this low-level blood count you may not make it until the morning. **DON'T JUDGE ME, I WAS HUNGRY DAMMIT!**
So I already know I am about to be admitted, so I pack me a little overnight bag and hightail it on over to the ER. So, of course, I go through more tests and poking and prodding. They do admit me. So after EKGs, MRIs, CT Scans, the entire alphabet of tests, bottom line…… 
I had a Fibroid Tumor which had grown so large it was pressing on and displacing organs in the abdominal region (which is why I was feeling that pressure of the gallbladder) the tumor was pushing everything out of place.

This THING, this MASS has been sitting in there growing like an alien. Waiting to burst out and kill me. (Y'ALL SAW THAT MOVIE!).
Image result for ALIEN BUST OUT BODY

Anyway, I digress...
I had been having heavy periods (menstrual cycles) for as long as I can remember, however in the past year or two they had gotten ridiculously heavy. I mean, I was wearing two overnight pads, bleeding through them both, blood running down my legs, having to change like every 20 minutes. This contributed to the low iron and low blood count because I was bleeding so much. And my cycle was lasting 2-3 weeks. This alien mass was taking over my body! The entire mass was 1710 grams which equal 3 pounds and 12 ounces. Now you may say to yourself, 3 pounds is not a lot HOWEVER when you think about a 4-pound bag of sugar, take out about a cup of that sugar and the rest of the bag is inside your abdominal area…. Yea that is a lot! And to top that off, I also had cysts on my ovaries and fallopian tubes. So ending result I needed a hysterectomy. However, due to my low blood count, they could not perform surgery and risk me bleeding out what little blood I did have.
So I had to endure a couple days of blood transfusions first. They gave me 5 bags of blood to get my blood levels up and I also had to get a bag of iron. I had to drink a bottle of laxative, to make sure I was empty for surgery. Do you understand the effects that a BOTTLE of laxative has??? So eventually all levels were at a comfortable level to operate. On 9/11/17 I had a full hysterectomy. Full hysterectomy means EVERYTHING OUT (EVERYTHING MUST GO SALE!!) uterus, ovaries, and tubes. But hell after 5 damn kids I don’t need that stuff anymore anyway! Thinking back, 9/11/17 could have been the day I died. The day the ALIEN killed me. but instead, God said NOT SO! So finally the alien was removed...

All tests done on the removed mass proved to be benign PRAISE HIM!!!


But the point of this very long story is GO SEE A DOCTOR! DO NOT self-diagnose, DO NOT assume you know what the pain is. DO NOT think you can continue to put your health on a back burner. DO NOT work yourself to death. DO NOT put off until tomorrow what should be done now, because tomorrow may never come.
Take your vitamins.
See your doctor.
Change (or at least) monitor your diet.

To my earlier point what good is working if you are killing yourself?

Still Alive,

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Sunday, December 31, 2017

Out With The Old, In With The New... Happy 2018!

Well, Hello World! 

It’s been some time since I have been on here. 2017 is about an hour from being over and I don’t know about you but for me, I am not sad to see it go. The latter half of 2017 literally kicked my butt. It feels as if the enemy was on a rampage and it feels as if he stomped through my life with cleats on.

But I’m still here. Some people did not make it this far but I am happy to say that my time here is not up yet. My assignment is not over. The enemy tried it but was unsuccessful in taking me out. The enemy truly comes to Steal, Kill, and Destroy.  I have seen my children attacked by the enemy, my sister attacked by the enemy, my health being attacked. Job… Gone, Finances… Zero, Stress & Depression…Knocking at the door (Keep knocking, but you can’t get in…)

My sister was in the hospital...

My daughter was in the hospital...

I was in the hospital...
I was told, “How are you still walking around, you should be dead”. And yet, here I am still.

As 2017 hurtles toward an end, I find myself Unemployed, Single, Broke, and wondering, “What The hell is going on with my life”? 

Life is not a meme, and I can’t just step into 2018 and say, YAAAASSSSSSS, Living my BEST Life!

I have some things to do, some things to change, some things to improve. But I have that chance because NO MATTER WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE OR FEELS LIKE I AM STILL BLESSED! I am not dead so I have the chance to continue on living, to continue trying, to continue experiencing life, making changes, making memories. Maybe one day I WILL get to that point when I can TRULY say I AM LIVING MY BEST LIFE!

But for now, as in a book, 2017 is the old chapter. It is time to put the last PERIOD on that chapter and TURN THE PAGE! 2018 is A NEW CHAPTER! As I walk into 2018, I walk into it BOLDLY, ready to face life and what is ahead.
To anyone reading this I say… 
HAPPY 2018!



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Sunday, January 29, 2017

And STILL God's Got This!

MAN!!! What a Day, What a Week, What a Month! As this month draws to a quick end bare with me while I rant a little...

So on Saturday the 21st I had oral surgery, the actual process went well. HOWEVER, the healing process is NOT going the way I or the surgeon thought it would go. I am often tired, often nauseous, my equilibrium is slightly off, and I am experiencing various side effects from medication. I went back to the dentist on the 23, and they prescribed more meds. I go back on February 1st. This is just DAMN RIDICULOUS! I took last week off from work but have to go back to work on Monday (Tomorrow), but I have bad headaches, and I stay nauseous, and dizzy. Oh did I mention I work with kids?? This should be interesting... But the best part... this is all costing me close to 8Gs! Yep you read that correctly... close to $8000 of which my insurance covers about $1500! AND THEY NOT EVEN DONE! I currently have 2 loans out and a family member has a loan out to help me pay but I have to make payments on all three loans. SMDH....

In the midst of this I was thinking okay, I can deal with this, I'll get that income tax money and pay off at least one of these damn loans to get ahead. YESSSSS! That is a good plan! So I filed my taxes last week and found out that I DAMN IT OWE! Come On, Can I catch a break here! So I have 3 loans to payback and I now owe the damn government.

I got an interesting letter in the mail last week.... A house I owned in NY back in the early 2000s was taken from me before I moved to Texas and Wells Fargo said they were going to foreclose on it. Why did I get a letter last week saying that Wells Fargo sold that mortgage to another mortgage company and this company wants payment! Wait?? WHAT?? This is 20 damn 17! Seriously???

I also got a letter last week from my current apartment management office saying that my rent will increase by $50 starting in February... Okay BREATHE..... I can handle this.... Don't Flip Out!

I'm Tired, I'm Hungry (because you know I can only eat things like jello, yogurt, apple sauce, etc smdh), I'm Broke, I have a Headache, I'm Dizzy, and I'm Nauseous! But you know what I'm not?? I'm NOT GIVING UP! I know why people go crazy and start flipping out on folk, because MAN ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! I don't believe in luck (good or bad), and I don't believe in coincidence. I DO BELIEVE that God has a plan and the enemy has an attack plan to counter it. But I'm good because I know God Got This! HE can and HE will take this and turn it around for my good. I know that someone out there is worse off than me so I STILL call myself BLESSED in the midst of it all!
To make myself feel better I took my last $10 and bought my Buddha a Paw Patrol Spin Brush and some Paw Patrol toothpaste! That smile made all things better!

But Yep I'm standing on this word... 

Romans 8:28King James Version (KJV)

28 And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.

Let Go And Let God! I'm Good because God Got This!

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