Two Weeks ago, for BlaqueBerry (an online magazine) I wrote.....
TWO MORE WEEKS! TWO MORE WEEKS! Two more weeks until what, you ask. Two more weeks until I complete school and can officially claim my M.B.A.! This should be a time of great joy, excitement, and enjoyment. I have worked for years to reach this pinnacle. I powered through my Associate degree, and then went straight into my Bachelor degree program. Upon completion of the Bachelor degree program, I thought I was finished. Ahh but something said CONTINUE ON! Therefore, I entered the MBA program. I have focused, I have been determined, I have been resolute. In two more weeks, I will have completed what I started out to do.
This is fine… HOWEVER… I do not feel that exhilaration that I believe I should feel. Instead, I feel ANXIETY, FEAR, INDECISIVENESS, and UNCERTAINTY. I know, I know…. The bible says in Philippians 4:6-7 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.
I know the Word and I know I should not be anxious but I am. During my time in school, I have worked in temporary jobs, per diem jobs, and worked for myself. I focused on school so I could land that PERFECT JOB. Now that school is almost over I have all types of things running through my head like, suppose, I do not find a good job? What if no one wants me? I am too old to be job hunting. The job market has changed and what if I do not fit in? All of these questions and concerns and more are swirling around in my head.
As an older, African-American woman living in Texas, I am aware of the plethora of “odds” against me! People are supportive, and helpful, telling me who is hiring, what company I should work at, and where I should be looking. However, HONESTLY, I wish people would just back off a little! They are well meaning, but I am starting to feel pressured! Moreover, this is just adding to my already raw, and over exposed nerves! One quote that I like a lot and have read over and over during the harder parts of my school journey is, “It is during our darkest moments that we must focus to see the light” by Aristotle Onassis. This is so true and where I am now. I am trying to get in to a place of peace and calm, a place where I can clearly hear and see what is before me.
I know that sometimes even the strongest people have moments of weakness. My prayer is, Lord, you know the big picture, and your plans are perfect. I will rest in you.
TWO MORE WEEKS!
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