Tuesday, May 12, 2015

Why I Broke Up With Mother's Day

Now that Mother’s day is over and safely behind us and hopefully the residue is gone, I can tell you why I broke up with Mother’s day. I know it is shocking and came as a surprise to me as well. Matter of fact I have not even broken the news to my children yet! It was not like an epiphany or a sudden realization, it just gradually dawned on me. I went on Facebook a few times on Mother’s day and of course you can imagine… The only thing in my news feed was Happy Mother’s Day, Happy Mother’s Day, Happy Mother’s Day, which in and of itself was not bad. It was just really tiring having to try to respond to all of that and sending private Happy Mother’s day messages, remembering who to send them to and who not to send them to.

Is it wrong to think that the woman who births you should receiver flowers, and dinners, and gifts, and phone calls, more than once a year? Why does society think it is okay to give a mother flowers only on Mother’s day? Random flowers are just as nice. In fact random gifts are nicer because they are unexpected. I would not mind flowers just because or a breakfast/dinner just for the heck of it. A phone call like Stevie Wonder said, “I just called to say I love you, I just called to say how much I care”. Why do you think it is okay to call your mother only if you want something? Or go visit just to have her cook for you, or sew for you, or do your laundry, etc. I’m not saying those things are wrong, but what I’m saying is that your relationship should not be about just what you get out of it. It should be a relationship of both parties giving and taking. The bible tells us to honor our mothers and fathers. I does not say honor them once a year.

In my 20’s for me Mother’s day was a regular day because my children were young so I was still cooking my own dinners, baking my own cake, etc. During my marriage I was pretty much still a single parent even though I was married. In my 30’s I divorced and I adopted the “I am Mother and Father” ideology. My kids were older so I got the pictures, poems, and homemade gifts. All of which I loved! In my 40’s my children were older and they bought flowers and made dinners, and took me out to eat. I finally came to realize that I am in fact NOT mother and father, I am Mother. I cannot take away the tremendous task of helping to create an awesome person by fertilizing an egg from the father. God used a certain man and a certain woman to combine with that specific DNA to create miracles. Not everyone is chosen for that task, who am I to take that away and claim that position? So I am happy to be what God created me to be, the mother! Now, just about in my 50’s I came to another way of thinking. Many are not mothers. Some cannot be a mother for biological reasons. Some may not have been physically, mentally, or spiritually equipped to be a mother. Some for whatever reason may have lost a child, SIDS, sickness, courts, violence, kidnapping, etc. For whatever reason they had a child taken from them. On the other hand many have lost a mother, or are estranged from their mother. So on this day of flowers and gifts has anyone stopped to think of how they may feel. I have a friend from childhood who lost a child. I cannot even begin to imagine how she feels and what she must go through every mother’s day. And I never really even thought about it until recently. On a day filled with love and flowers, her son is no longer around to bring her flowers, or take her out to dinner, or call her and say “Happy Mother’s Day”.
I can’t imagine the alienation or sadness that might come from being excluded from special services or presentations or a simple flower because your child or your mother died. Seems cruel to me. But then again this is only MY thoughts on the subject. Of course the world will continue on doing whatever they want to do. So carry on, do you!
I think Mother's Day is an over commercialized opportunity for corporations to make money (florists, card companies, jewelry companies, etc.) much like the big corporate rip off that is valentine's day, but that's another story! If you are interested you may want to read the origins of Mother’s Day HERE and HERE. I found it interesting (and a testament to how a good idea can turn out being a bad mistake!).
This is not a criticism or condemnation on anyone else, on what you may do or don't do, feel or don't feel. Do you just as I'm going to do me!


As always this is my opinion and my thoughts and why I Broke Up With Mother’s Day
Now to tell my kids…

Regina


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1 People Saying Something!

mema

Good post. Now you know why, when you, your sister or the grands ask me what do I want for Mother's Day; I say that I want nothing. Love me everyday. You don't have to agree with me; but LOVE me EVERYDAY.

My heart goes out to women who want to be mother's, but for whatever reason do not have children. My heart also goes out to children whose mother's for whatever reason, were not able to mother them. I think that God's plan was probably that the women who want to mother would find themselves in a position (whether through jobs or relationships/friendships) to help mother those children, whose mother's were not able to mother. So everybody is covered.

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